Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and
acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference
that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source
said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300
years.

While details were not available at press time, it is
believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of
Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive
for both sides. By combining forces, we''re told, the world
will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service
during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is
being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids
a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of
the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in
Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened
there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic
"Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that
Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast
merchandising resources for buying and delivering their
gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at
least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish
children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after
having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year,
when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides
appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a
takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He
merely pointed out that,
were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the
merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as
an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for
all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the
competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by
leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye
Faithful."