A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year unaccompanied in Shemya, Alaska. The first night home, he told his wife he had something to show her.

"I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!" And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether. "D**k, ten-HUT!" And with that, his d**k sprang to full erection. "D**k, at EASE!" And his d**k deflated again.

"That was amazing," said his wife. "Can I bring over our neighbor to show her?"

The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of his accomplishment. So his wife brought back a delicious looking woman.

"D**k, ten-HUT!" And his penis sprang up. "D**k, at EASE!" Nothing. "D**k, at EASE!" Still nothing. "For the last time, D**k -- at EASE!"

Frustratingly enough, nothing happened. Embarrassed, he ran off to the bathroom. Worried, his wife ran after and found that he was vigorously masturbating.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm giving this guy a dishonorable discharge!"