This woman owned two Dachshunds, a male and a female.

A friend of hers calls one day and says, "How do you keep him away from her when she's in heat?"

"Oh that's not a problem" she says, "When I go out, I put the female upstairs."

"And does that do the trick?" asks her friend.

"Well," she says, "Have you ever seen a Dachshund go upstairs with a hard on?"