Taoism: S**t happens.
Confucianism: Confucious says, s**t happens.
Buddhism: If s**t happens, it isn't really s**t.
Zen: What is the sound of s**t happening?
Hinduism: This s**t happened before.
Islam: If s**t happens, it is the will of Allah.
Protestantism: Let s**t happen to someone else.
Native American: What is the medicine of s**t?
Catholicism: If s**t happens, you deserve it.
Judaism: Why does this s**t always happen to us?
Pantheism: It's all the same s**t.
Atheism: I don't believe this s**t.
Agnosticism: What is this s**t?